Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
