who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
