Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize