Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
