My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
