woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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