I'm jealous of your bromance
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
