Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The ass gains better be worth it
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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