I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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