Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
