8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He has the fingertips of a God
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