This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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