chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
