i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
