I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
sarcasm needs its own font
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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