I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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