she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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