You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
