yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
