SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
