Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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