It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
