ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize