Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
