I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
