Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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