that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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