dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my shit smells like andre
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
