I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
