I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
