I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Acid is not a monday night drug
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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