I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
