video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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