she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
