I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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