I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
