just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
