So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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