I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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