I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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