at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
