Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
