Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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