These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
