I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
