Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
At least make sure they are 18
Why
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The cops high fived after they tackled you
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
