I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
