WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
