Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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