My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i think i have herpe
just one?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
