So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
