If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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