Porn is love you can see.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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