YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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