Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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