Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
