Your dad touched me again.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
