I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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