there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
