I accidentally burped into my bong.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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