ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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