My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
