I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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